


See Me

by Noth_lit_8



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/M, I shipped before I knew what shipping was, I'm an adult writing out my childhood wants, MY CHILDHOOD, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:44:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noth_lit_8/pseuds/Noth_lit_8
Summary: This relieved a lot of my childhood angst towards this pairing, and I hope it can do the same for you. Takes place after the second war - Tobias and Rachel finally meet again. Sensual as fuck.





	See Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is the first fic I've written since I was ten?? But I found this is a huge stress-reliever, so I think I'll keep it up, maybe in other fandoms as well. Comments are highly encouraged and greatly appreciated, and I will reply to everything! Thank you so much for the read. :3
> 
> The events between where book 54 leaves off and this fic are not really discussed - it's up to your imagination. Rachel comes back though somehow! Because when she died I locked my nine year old self in my room for a few days! But if you want me to write something to fill in this gap, let me know, and maybe I'll pull a little something together.

I can’t possibly do justice to how elated everyone was when Rachel came back. I don’t mean Jake, Marco, or Cassie, or the andalites, or the Hork-bajir. Hang on, let me rephrase that. I mean of course they were overcome by joy, but what I’m referring to is the media. Everyone wanted a piece of Rachel. The Animorph they built statues of and named a ship after had come back, and she was drop-dead gorgeous. I can only imagine how disappointed they were when she went into hiding. 

And as much as I loved her, I didn’t go to her.

Her family and the rest of the Animorphs (or at least the walking shells of what used to contain the Animorphs) would visit sometimes. And she always smiled her beautiful Rachel smile, laughed the laugh that could part the clouds on a dreary day, and chatted like she was still actually in there. Like she wasn’t just a shell. 

Rachel made her home in an upscale apartment in fuck-all-nowhere. It made me want to laugh - it was so typical of her. The money she was given allowed her to live lavishly. She paid the owner of the building not to breathe a word about her being there, and from what I could see, (and I saw a lot) he had so far kept his promise. No one saw her without her sayso, with the exception of me. Because I was just so special.

I think she knew I was there, but she never said anything. Never leaned out her window and called for me like she would in her bedroom back when we were kids. I appreciated it, but deep down, I was screaming to be with her. 

So I don’t know why she broke this balance. I guess she had enough of me just staring. Maybe she wanted to see me too. She had told me she loved me. Did she love me?

She was turned around to face her stove. Long golden tresses tumbled down her shoulders, and all I wanted was to touch them with the pads of human fingers. They looked so soft.

I could see her body still. She stood, just breathing for a few moments, until she turned around, walked to the window, and opened it. She couldn’t see me; I was too far away. But she knew I was there. She smiled that know-it-all, mischievous grin, and I knew that she knew. And she was tired of me just watching her.

My first instinct was to turn around and fly away, but her eyes were burned into mine as though she was actually looking at me. Beautiful girl. She wanted to see me. So I dropped from the tree and flew, landing silently on her windowsill. I was scared to see her. She was so close, frying some sort of meat in the pan in front of her, and as nervous as I was, I could feel the hunger in my belly. Hunting had been scarce lately. Beautiful girl and food. And I wanted to fly away from it?

I hadn’t noticed her turn around and walk towards me until she was already right by the window. My heart skipped a beat. She had aged, but not like Jake, Cassie, and Marco. Early twenties and you could already see frown lines forming on Jake’s forehead. But not Rachel’s. She looked as airbrushed and flawless as ever. She stared for a second, smile trembling on the corners of her mouth, but determination and stubbornness in her eyes. “I made dinner,” she said. “Morph. I swear I’m a good cook.” She turned around, knowing I would protest and having no intentions of taking no for an answer. This was Rachel.

But was she kidding me? Morph into Tobias the boy-er-young man? As a hawk, I was impenetrable. I was stoic and neutral and in charge. But as a human, I was weak, and what I felt showed in my body. And I was feeling a lot.

It wasn’t like morphing human was unusual for me. On the days I couldn’t see Rachel, I was busy wrapping up loose ends from the second war, and the public found it less unnerving to hear me talk through a microphone than through their heads. But I always felt the same feelings. I always felt cold. I was not cold now.

I didn’t morph, but I hopped from the window to the counter, right by where she was cooking, careful not to disturb the neat arrangement she had set up of pots and pans. She didn’t look at me. I didn’t talk to her. We just waited, at an impasse, until she laid out two plates and filled each with an array of veal and vegetables. She knew I was hungry. Damn her. 

She sat down and stared at me again, and although I wanted more than anything to look away, I couldn’t. She was so strikingly beautiful, her eyes clear and blue and not plagued like the others. She wasn’t hollow. She hadn’t been pretending. Rachel was in that body. And I needed it. So I morphed.

It had probably been a long time since Rachel had seen anyone morph, but I knew she was watching me, my arms springing out of my body, feathers revealing pale, nerve-induced-goosebumped flesh. She listened to my bones crack and reform, like she couldn’t help it. Like she wanted to. 

Humans are clumsy, but I’m not so out of practice that I can’t sit in a chair. Specifically, the chair facing this beautiful girl, with a dish of hot, aromic food on the table in front of me. But I couldn’t look at her through human eyes. I didn’t know why. I just couldn’t. 

I knew she was staring at me as I gingerly picked up a fork and bit into the meat that had been - oh holy mother of food. Okay, she did know how to cook. “Yeah, I know I’m good,” she echoed my thoughts, a hint of a giggle in her voice, and I heard the scrape of her fork against her plate.   
We ate in silence as I tried to shake the feeling of discomfort that being watched gave me. Even if I was being watched by her.

“I think I’m going to do a shoot with J.Crew,” she stated, interrupting my thoughts. “I feel like it’s time to get back out there, ya know? Make an honest living, maybe make some friends who can’t change their species whenever they feel like it.” I almost laughed. What a girl. “In fact, I might be moving altogether so I can be somewhere more central. I’m assuming that means you’ll move too, even if you don’t tell me so.” My face grew hot. It wasn’t like she was wrong. 

The sound of chewing and utensils scraping halted, and I could feel her still, even though I couldn’t see her. “Hi, Tobias,” she said, surprising me. Her voice was soft.

I swallowed. “Hi, Rachel,” I replied slowly, my discomfort growing and instinctively trying to make myself look larger. Like an idiot. 

“So, you can still speak,” I could her hear joke, but there was no hint of a smile in her voice. We continued in silence until I heard a sniffle. I couldn’t stop myself from looking up as I saw a tear hit the table in front of her, and her eyes met mine. I did this. I made her cry.

I sprang up from my seat and ran to the next room, facing the wall, cornered, trapped, feeling worse than I could remember ever feeling. I heard her delicate footsteps behind me. Footsteps belonging to a girl who smelled like a flower but could kick the ass of anyone who tried to treat her like one. I shut my eyes tight and could feel my heart beating in my chest. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave. 

And it was that moment I realized I did want to see her. But I didn’t want her to see me. I didn’t want her to see the shell of the boy she used to love. I didn’t want her to look into my eyes and realize I could never give her this domestic life she wanted of eating dinner and living in an apartment. I couldn’t, could I?  
“Tobias?” I could her her voice cracking. “Why won’t you look at me?” she whispered. I said nothing and, revealing her nature, yelled right in my face, “Why won’t you look at-”

My eyes snapped open as I spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders, pressing my forehead against hers as I felt stupid fucking human tears stream down my face. The last time I cried was when I watched her die.

My eyes were wide open, taking in the clear, ocean-blue ones right in front of me. I pulled back and looked at her tiny little nose and her bottom lip that was disproportionate to her upper. Skin that was paler than I remembered because she never went outside anymore. Her figure was willowy and tall but I knew she was stronger than anyone would ever know. My whole body trembling, and every nerve lit up, I slid my hands down her arms to interlock with her hands, pressing my forehead against hers again, not daring to shut my eyes. It was too late to close myself off. She had seen me. She had seen my hollow human eyes. She would run and this would be over. But instead, I felt a shaky hand, her shaky hand, rest on my cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, and I could feel her breath against my mouth. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take it. I snaked a hand around to the back of her head. I was right; her hair was soft. And so were her lips.

I kissed Rachel. I kissed her like I had imagined kissing her over a million lonely nights, which I had. And once she had comprehended what I had done, she grabbed a fistful of my tight morphing shirt and kissed me back. I needed her. I needed this girl. I needed this perfect girl who didn’t run away when she saw what I had become. She said I was beautiful. She thought I was beautiful.

I had only experienced kissing a few times. Always with Rachel. It was only ever Rachel. We were kids and shared chaste moments alone when we needed reassurance. Soft pecks on the lips that ended in blushes and giggles. But neither of us were giggling now. I loved her then and I loved her now, but this was deeper than I could have understood as a child. I loved Rachel the woman, as Tobias, a man. A man. Or a hawk. Both. But I needed her to do something for me.

As much as my body screamed at me not to, I pulled away from her and held her gently around the waist. I choked out, “I need you to look at me. Did you really look at me?” I knew she had already, but still, she couldn’t stop staring. I felt the gentle pad of her thumb reach up and smooth down the fine lines on my forehead. She ran a finger over my lips and placed her other hand on my face, just holding me. Then she let her eyes graze over the rest of my body, my morphing suit tight in all the awkward human places. I was a skinny guy and I wanted to squirm under her gaze. “Rachel-” I started, but lost my train of thought when her eyes locked with mine again. There was sincerity in them. Love. She still loved me. “Better?” she whispered.

I nodded. “Better.” Her lips came crashing down on me. I could feel the warmth of her skin through her clothes and knew she was holding back the animal instincts inside her. Rachel ran on primal drives, and I was sure she wanted to grab and bite and squeeze me all over. But all I felt were her gentle lips and smooth tongue trying to dominate me. I pulled away, and I swear I could have felt her body almost growl. I kissed from her jawline to her ear. “It’s okay,” I murmured. “You can be yourself around me. I fell in love with all of you.”

No sooner had I pulled away from her ear when I felt my hands fly above my head, pinned there by her own. “Rachel,” I gasped, not knowing what else I was expecting. My knees began to shake as she ravished my neck in kisses and little bites. I wonder if she had spent even a fraction of the time I had dreaming about moments like these. These sensations were all new, and my human body was reacting to them in ways that confused but enthralled me. I had never felt like this before. 

Rachel was the sun and I was on fire. Did everyone get to feel like this? Was this all amplified to me because I was used to being just a bird? Was Rachel the only person in the world who could possibly invoke such light?

When my lips were starting to become needy again, she returned to them, her hands tangled in my hair while mine stroked her hips, feeling her shiver as one of my fingers brushed the small of her back. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do, but I could read her body. For a moment, it was almost like I wasn’t clumsy and awkward in this form. Like I had always had her this close to me. It was natural. My hand traveled under her shirt a bit further up her back, and she gasped, pulling away to look at me.

Her gaze made me nervous. I stuttered. This shockingly beautiful girl was making out with me. “Rachel,” I started, “I don’t know-” my mouth went dry. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I eventually spit out, the words tumbling from my mouth. She smiled and kissed me gently, just like she used to when we were young. Just like the first time she kissed me on the beach, right after we had almost lost each other. 

I was pretty sure that Rachel didn’t know what she was doing either; between the first war, being dead, and being secluded, I doubted that she ever had time to be intimate. But she didn’t look intimidated like I did. Rachel was Xena, the warrior princess, and I could see that it clearly bled into all aspects of her life.  
She took my hand and I prayed she couldn’t feel my hammering heartbeat through my wrist as she led me towards another room. 

As soon as I saw the bed, I felt myself being shoved onto it, my back making contact with a soft mattress for the first time in years. Then Rachel came crashing down on me, capturing my lips and feeling my burning skin underneath my shirt. She stopped to look at me, a question in her eyes. I nodded. “I trust you,” I whispered, as I sat up to let her pull my skin-tight shirt off, letting the cool air calm my flesh as I watched, transfixed, as Rachel pulled off her shirt and shorts slowly, leaving herself to straddle me in nothing but some black undergarments. I almost smirked; they matched. She totally predicted this.

I, on the other hand, still had my morph shorts on, and they were getting painfully constrictive; a sensation I had never experienced before. I didn’t like it. I reached down to pull them off when I felt Rachel’s hands on mine. She looked up at me, and I swear to god that despite her stoic eyes, she was blushing. “Tobias, let me,” she mumbled. I obliged, leaning back and lifting my pelvis up so she could take them off, but what I didn’t expect was for her to pull my underwear off with them. She sat back and gazed, taking all of me in, and my toes curled. Every inch of me, dick included, was completely exposed to her. I was so vulnerable. And I was willingly vulnerable. I was never like this as a hawk. I was always in charge. But now, Rachel could be in charge. I wanted her in control. I trusted her. I needed her to understand that.

She sat just below where I felt myself growing by the second, and I slowly ran my hands up and down her sides, taking in the smooth curves of her hourglass shape. 'Beautiful woman,' I thought as she unhooked her bra and dropped it to the floor. Completely beautiful. 

Rachel took my hands and gently placed them on her breasts. She was so soft, and when I brushed my fingers against the little hardening mounds on each, she let out a sigh. This was the first time I noticed her lips had grown red from the stimulation I had given them, and they looked so damn kissable that I pulled her down to me. “Please,” I murmured as I brought her to me. 

I could feel her fingers trailing up and down my thighs as my hands explored every part of her. Everything about Rachel was so perfect. So soft and warm. Her body was perfect. Her body was beautiful. I found I couldn’t help but just worship it. Worship her.

I surprised myself by groaning against her lips when she started working her hand over my member. Having someone else touch you isn’t even comparable to touching yourself. You can scratch your own back, but isn’t it better to have someone else do it for you? 

Rachel left my mouth and trailed kisses down my chest and torso. I shivered when she reached my navel, and she read my body, lingering there for a few moments more before kissing her way to the coarse hairs that had never been maintained. I realized what she was about to do, and began to flush profusely. “Rachel, you don’t have to. I just need you. I just need to make you feel-oh jesus fucking Christ,” I moaned as she wrapped her perfect lips around my head. Her tongue worked all over the ridiculously sensitive skin there, and I was overcome by stimulation. I reached a hand down to pull her hair from her face so I could see what she was doing, but I felt her grab it with her own and hold it down at my side. Rachel was in control. I had to let her do what she wanted.

My head snapped back as she began to sink further down, inch by inch until I felt her nose pressed against my pubic bone. My chest was heaving and I had to wonder to myself if it was possible to die from pleasure. How was the human body capable of such intense sensation? She slowly moved her head up and down, running her tongue along my length as she did. I was making some ungodly noises, and I didn’t give a fuck. This was Rachel. She said I was beautiful. She would think my moans were beautiful too. Panting, I opened my eyes and craned my neck to see her. She was staring right at me, unintimidated and not in the least bit shy, the hunger of lust in her eyes as she worked me over and over. I was shocked to feel one hand reach down to cup my balls, gentle fingers carefully massaging them just enough for me to elicit a cry. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Rachel, please,” I groaned. “I need - I need to touch you. Please. Please let me love you,” I begged, the words tumbling from my mouth not even seeming like my own. She ignored me for a moment but then let me go with a pop, sitting back on her heels and letting me take in her figure.   
Rachel didn’t look like the models I had seen in the magazines my uncle had kept hidden under his bed. She looked so much better. Gentle curves and pale, soft flesh gave way to strong, muscled legs and a contoured abdomen. Her hair curtained her chest, and I gently moved the tresses so I could knead the small, perky lumps she trusted me to touch. Her arms reached behind her for support, and I could see her glistening, pink center. I could see an inner lip poking from one side, and I desperately wanted to know what she felt like.

I let Rachel watch me snake a hand underneath her and run my middle finger from her hair to where I could feel moisture pooling. She moaned like an animal and rolled off of me and onto her side so I could get better access. My fingers hesitated as I took in full lips, a budding nub peaking out and a soaked core. For me to touch. Another wave of insecurity crashed over me - I had no idea what I was doing. I spent my time in a different body. How was I going to live up to even the most basic of expec-

“Tobias?”

“Rachel?” I startled, looking up into her eyes, which had darkened and filled with something I had never seen in her before. I watched her hand trail to where I wanted to be and listened to her change in breathing as she rubbed little circles and leaned forward to rest her head on my chest. Her mouth was right next to my ear and I shivered as her growing moans and heavy breaths sang to me. I needed to do that to her. I needed to show her - I needed to show her something. I needed to show her just how badly I needed this - needed her.

I gently replaced my hand with hers to repeat the motions she had made. When I made contact with her skin, both of our breaths hitched. She was so warm and slippery. I repeated the motions and felt her body rhythmically tense and relax above me. Starting to feel a little more confident, I left the small bundle of nerves to tease a finger at her entrance. Her gaze flew up to meet me. She didn’t say it, but I could feel her taunting me, 'Do it, I dare you.' I pushed in gently and was shocked at how tight and hot she felt around my finger. I could feel her inner walls readjusting to the intrusion, but she didn’t appear to be in pain. If she was, I doubted she would ever tell me. This was Rachel, after all.

When I began to move in and out of her, I felt her catch my lips and move her tongue in and out of me in turn. I slowly added another finger, giving her time to adjust before I started to move again. I added the movement of my thumb against her clit and felt Rachel arch her back, pressing her chest into mine, savoring every nerve that was alive with my hot skin on hers. She started stroking me again and it made me instinctively begin to move faster, and-

“Tobias, stop. Stop,” she groaned, and I retracted my hand, wide-eyed, horrified that I had done something wrong. She must have read me, because she kissed me and whispered, “I want to come with you.” I lied on my back in stunned silence, not believing I could have possibly done that good of a job, when I felt the head of my penis enveloped in heat. Rachel was rubbing me against her core, staring at the rise and fall of my chest, waiting for me to give her permission. I could see the wild animal in her eyes. She needed me, and although I might not show as aggressively as her, I needed her too.

Our eyes met and no sooner had I nodded when she began to sink down on me, slowly, lips pursed. Every bodily instinct in me wanted to thrust my hips up, but I could feel Rachel’s body adjusting to the foreign object inside of it, so I excruciatingly waited until I could feel her tight ass on my balls. I stilled, waiting for her to make the next move. Her eyes were alight and she had reached a hand up to grab her chest when she began to ride me. So many signals were firing off inside me that I had a hard time making out what pleasure was coming from where. I felt her free hand reach out for mine, white-knuckling it, placed aside my head. I needed her as close to me as possible, so I pulled her down to me with ease, as it was clear she felt the same way.

She was hardly riding me up and down anymore. Rachel was grinding on me, keeping most of me inside her at all times, pressing as much as she could of her body up against mine. I captured her lips and felt a pressure building quickly in my center. I knew I wouldn’t last long. Rachel’s movements became slightly less calculated, a little more frantic, and my hips began to rock instinctually with hers. She felt so hot and wet and she was somehow tightening even more around me-

“Tobias!” Rachel cried as I felt her body begin to spasm and for the first time in my life, I heard her whimper. About fucking. And god. And love. Her head sank to my chest and I held her as I kept pumping into her. I could feel myself on the edge of breaking, and when I jerked to free myself, I felt Rachel clamp down on me. “No,” she whispered. “Stay.” And I how could I ever deny her? She could have anything she wanted.

Once Rachel’s breathing began to level out, I felt her motions begin again, and my body became too overwhelmed to move. I shocked myself by letting go, waves crashing over my body and Rachel kissing and mumbling against my parted lips, “I’ve got you. Tobias, I’ve got you.” Safety.

When Rachel slipped off of me and threw herself beside my heaving figure, I realized I could feel my pulse throughout my whole body. I allowed myself to catch my breath before looking over at the beautiful woman lying next to me. She was already staring. For once, she was watching me. I was living on Rachel’s terms.

Rachel gently moved my head onto her chest, pink from her orgasm, and looked down at me. She beamed her glorious Rachel smile and brushed a lock of hair from my face.

“Hello, Tobias.”

“Hello, beautiful woman.”


End file.
